"Ghosting" is when our
partner ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without
explanations nor forewarning. Every attempt to connect gets the ultimate
silent treatment. Someone we laughed with, cried with, hugged and tasted
the world with suddenly disappears without a trace. We dive into our
deepest insecurities for answers, not quite believing what is happening -
wasn't he or she the one? - and we resort to inner conversations with
ourselves, trying to rationalize our feelings. And then there is that
faint beacon of hope that we will see them again, that it is all a short-lived,
bad dream, and we look to the door, waiting for the person to walk in, because in the end love conquers all.
There are psychological reasons why
someone ghosts; at its core, ghosting in its essence is avoidance – wanting to
avoid confrontation, difficult conversations, or hurting someone's feelings.
However, this choice is probably the worst outcome a ghost could hope for – for
one, too often emotions, frustrations, misunderstandings are blown up disproportionately.
Stepping back a second and putting ourselves into our partner's shoes place
things in perspective. Instead, the ghost clings onto an one-sided
view of things, overthinks something said in
the heat of human dimensions – and easily fixed in a face-to-face
conversation. An insurmountable mountain of "problems" ensues,
and the ghost vanishes. Unsettled feelings remain, often for years to
come. Maybe we move on with our lives, and find someone else to fill up
the void, but at what price?
People are not mirror images of each
other nor should they be.
© Colleen Yorke. All rights reserved.