Ghosting


It seems to be a curse of our generation.  Surely, emails and text messaging have contributed to it.  We make friends, we become intimate with someone, and then we stop talking.  The urban dictionary provides a word for that: "ghosting."  

"Ghosting" is when our partner ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without explanations nor forewarning. Every attempt to connect gets the ultimate silent treatment.  Someone we laughed with, cried with, hugged and tasted the world with suddenly disappears without a trace.  We dive into our deepest insecurities for answers, not quite believing what is happening - wasn't he or she the one? - and we resort to inner conversations with ourselves, trying to rationalize our feelings.  And then there is that faint beacon of hope that we will see them again, that it is all a short-lived, bad dream, and we look to the door, waiting for the person to walk in, because in the end love conquers all.   

There are psychological reasons why someone ghosts; at its core, ghosting in its essence is avoidance – wanting to avoid confrontation, difficult conversations, or hurting someone's feelings. However, this choice is probably the worst outcome a ghost could hope for – for one, too often emotions, frustrations, misunderstandings are blown up disproportionately.  Stepping back a second and putting ourselves into our partner's shoes place things in perspective. Instead, the ghost clings onto an one-sided view of things, overthinks something said in the heat of human dimensions – and easily fixed in a face-to-face conversation.  An insurmountable mountain of "problems" ensues, and the ghost vanishes.  Unsettled feelings remain, often for years to come.  Maybe we move on with our lives, and find someone else to fill up the void, but at what price?

People are not mirror images of each other nor should they be. 

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